I’m noticin’ a spike in Disney related videos here on YouTube I ain’t complait-in’ All I’m sayin’ is… none of y’all turkeys love Disney more than me I just can’t be up on here every week talking about Tangled and Brave That’s going to hurt my street cred! I be going to the cypher I cant be in the middle of a freestyle battle and have these dudes clowning on me Lemme tell what kind of cast member I was.
I would work my 8-hour shift at Disney, clock out and hang out at the park the rest of the day until the park closes by myself! Waka Flocka: ♫I go hard in the ♫ ♫ pa – pa – paint ♫♫ I do miss workin’ at Disney, I’m not gonna lie However, comma, there’s some thing I won’t miss. For example, I won’t miss how everybody and their mom would be hittin’ me up asking for free tickets. Gettin’ phone calls at 6:00 in the morning like “Hey bud, I’m gonna need you to meet me at the gate tomorrow, I’ll need aboooouuuuut…. 15 passes.” “Uh… [sigh]… who is this?” “[scoff] It’s me, Charlie” “Remember that time I gave you gum in school that one time?” “Anyways, I was driving by a playground, and I saw these kids and I was like” “‘Hey! Who wants to go to Disney? I know a guy!’
I don’t even know any of these kids.” “So if you could just meet us tomorrow — hold on, hold on.” Charlie: “Amelia, put down that knife!” Charlie: “I knew I shouldn’t have let you guys watch Fight Club!” Charlie: “Adande, let me call you back.” But something else I miss, I missed cast member relationship drama. You know how many Disney employees would only date other employees? Like I’m sure you guys have heard friends make a pact like “Ok, if I’m single, and you’re single, and we both turn 30, we’re just gonna get married, ok?” At Disney here’s how it goes: “If I’m single, and you’re single, in…. mmmm…..I dunno, 30 seconds, yeah, we should date.” “If — er — I can’t even wait that long. I’ve already changed my Facebook status, it’s offish. It’s Facebook offish.” If you’re a straight single guy working at the Disney parks you have like a 98 percent chance of getting a girlfriend if you get hired. Here is why: A number of really good looking guys around you… don’t even like girls. That eliminates a lot of competition right there. And after that there’s only really two other types of straight guys left at Disney: There are the regular straight guys, and then you have the “extra happy” straight guys. They usually carry around a fanny pack, just in case they have to time travel back to 1998 they go to the park with their Kylo Ren doll and they push it around in a ‘lil stroller and they’re really concerned about trading pins. There’s nothing wrong with these guys. It’s just they’re not really concerned with getting a girlfriend. So I said you have a 98 percent chance, but in reality that’s like a 3000 percent chance you have of getting a girl coz there’s virtually no competition, which kind of confused me coz I had no girls, and I was not that guy. Just one thing that happened to me at Disney, I’m sure this happened to some of you guys you have coworkers that actually don’t put forth that much energy, or maybe they put forth the same or even less but they’re the ones getting rewarded. So if you do anything and you like exceed expectations you get what they call a Fanatic Card. Everybody would get Fanatic Cards except for me. There was one kid in the college program who was literally breaking rules and getting Fanatic Cards. Be talking to the manager like “Man, you remember them cheerleaders that came thru last weekend?” “Yeah, of course, how could I have not – of course I do!” – “I got one of their phone numbers.”
– “That’s great – omg, that’s amazing!” – “I went back to one of their hotel rooms.”
– “You’re saying yes to a guest request.” – “I made out with her too.”
– “Oh, what?!” – “Actually, I made out with two of them.”
– “You’re just showing that you’re a team player.” “That’s what I love about you, you work well with others.” “And – you know, when I left their hotel room, I stole their purse.” “G Wilikers! You’re going above and beyond the call of duty modern warfare.” “They had a hundred dollars in it too, and I bought some crack with it.” “That’s – that’s it, that’s it, I’m giving you a Fanatic Card.” So one day, I just got bored. I wasn’t even trying to get a Fanatic card right? Disney put this temporary Beach Ball Kiosk next to Indiana Jones, And the guy who was running it was actually my boy Renee So I got this idea, I went over to Renee I’m like, “Renee. Lemme borrow one of these beach balls, son.” He gave me one of the big beach balls And I walk into the theater and I tell everybody: Hey guys is it cool if I pack everybody’s section? Now everyone at Epic hates packing the theater, when you gotta get down front and yell in front of everyone “Hey guys! Can you scoot in? Fill in all available space!” Everybody hates doing that I even hated doing that So I get the beech ball and go down front “Everyone! I need you guys to do me a favor” “If you guys all scoot’n over here, then I’ll do a back flip! Off of this rail” Everybody scoots in. I get up, do a back flip (yay! *furious applause*) This is a three-man job, I packed everybody’s section, over twenty-two hundred people By Myself! Flocka: ♫ I go hard in the ♫ ♫ pa-pa-paint ♫♫ Then once everybody was packed in, “since you guys have been so awesome, guess what? We gonna party! And I bring out the beach ball, and throw it to the crowd and everybody’s like crazy with the beach ball EDM music festival up in this piece. Steven Aoki shows up and starts throwing cake The manager got wind of this, I started doing this for every show. You could tell they hated the idea, that I was having so much fun I wish you would come down here and say something, I wish you would but you can’t! And not only that, after each show Renee has a line around the block of people tryna buy beach balls Get on my level! This happened every weekend for three weeks in a row You think I got a fanatic card for this? Na! The manager was so salty, they were making it obvious that they don’t want me to get a fanatic card Renee got a fanatic card for selling so many beach balls! Kay, so they started handing out fanatic cards to the guests in line who don’t even work here! You know what, fluff it! Two tears in a bucket. One weekend I go in there, I pack the theater, bust out the beach ball. And then the AV tech guy Walks in and he’s like “Uhh hey uuh whats your name tag say?” “Ada- adalandaly-ada-adaline?” “You can’t be given em’ the beach ball?” “Oh yeah?! Why nah?” “Uhh see we, the see the tech booth, right up, see right there? We got buttons, pyrotechnics and uhh pyrotechnics” “Can’t have the balls flying in there and it might push a button, might blow some stuff up.” “Uh yeah, I can’t take the ball away right now because these guys are waiting for the bass drop.” “Uhhhhhhhhh yeah no.” “Yeah okay, here’s an idea, how bout’ I stand along the perimeter outside the tech booth” “and as soon as the ball comes close, STOP!” “Stiff arm! Just knock it away” “Because I mean the ball weighs zero point negative five ounces anyways” ” So even if it landed in there… it wouldn’t press any buttons” “Listen Adele, uhhhhhhhh no.” And after they shut down all my fun, they went back to rewarding everyone else. “Uh, uh uhhhh, errrr! Look at Steven! Look at em’!” “He’s role playing with the guests.” “He’s not role playing!” “He’s Captain Hook, the little boy is Peter Pan” “and the little boy stabbed him with a imaginary sword, and now he’s-” “Look at him he’s role playing! He’s playing dead!” “The little kid pretended to stab him two hours ago! There’s flies buzzing around his mouth!” “He’s over there taking a nap!” Manager: “Stop hating, hater.” Manager: “Steven get up! Come back to the office with me, lemme give you a fanatic card!” Manager: “Adande, look at ‘im! He doesn’t even want to break character for fanatic card!” Manager:”Steven, okay, you know what Steven? You can stay right here I don’t want to mess with your mojo” “I’ll go to the office, I’ll come back with like, 15 fanatic cards!” Swoozie! WOO (crowd cheering) Where you guys from? We’re from Vancover It’s going down (Music)