affair beganwhen Sergeant Deux Deux and I
were assigned to apprehend
a notorious pickpocketknown as Spider Pierre.This disreputable bistro
is one of Spider Pierre’s
favorite haunts. I believe I could trap him
if I had some money to
flash around in there. Deux Deux dear boy,
how much money do you have? I don’t got
any money, Inspector. You haven’t, eh? Ha! Well, what do you
call this, eh? But Inspector, you can’t
take this money. I just want to borrow
a thousand francs,
what’s the matter? Don’t you trust me?Si,I do trust you. But I got to told you
about these pesos. Not pesos, francs. You’re welcome. A snifter of buttermilk,
please, and be quick
about it. As you can see,
I have plenty of money
to pay for it.-Oui, monsieur.
-I always demand
the best of service, which I can easily afford. My wallet is so
full of money.
Hurry up. What’s keeping you?
A rich person like me
doesn’t have all day. Well, it’s about time.
Another minute, and you’d
have gotten no tip. That will be
15-somethings,monsieur.Something is wrong, monsieur? Yes, I’ve been robbed. Aha! Just as I thought. A deadbeat. [thuds] What happened, Inspector? My pocket was picked. Oh, that dirty wallet-plucking
pocket-picker! Deux Deux, loan me
another thousand francs
to flash around, eh? But, Inspector,
you shouldn’t take– That’s an order, Sergeant.
Now hand it over. -But this money is not–
-No argument, please. Now, synchronize your watch.Si.What’s the trouble? It won’t sing to me nice. You idiot, you. It has to be
synchronized with my watch. What’s the matter, Inspector? My watch is gone!
Also my badge, my wallet, my comb, my Diners card, my fountain pen,
and my mother’s picture! We’re not dealing
with a pickpocket, we’re dealing with
a vacuum cleaner! [Inspector]We spotted
running into an alleyway,-and we gave chase.
-[siren blaring] I guess I will have to use
my Spider Webley special. [siren blaring] [Spider]Au revoir,copper! [crashes] Sergeant, get out
and see who ran into us. Holyfrijoles!Hey, Inspector,
get an eyeful of the Eiffel! Boy, is it off. [Inspector]It didn’t take
me long to get back
on the Spider’s trail.[reel spinning]This insolent Spider fellow
was beginning to try
my patience.You wouldn’t dare. Oh, yes, I would. Sergeant, call an ambulance. [rumbling] I don’t understand. If he wants an ambulance,
why’d he take the subway? You criminal, you! I’ll show you that
you cannot break the law! [grunts] Make a note of that, Deux Deux. He’s also breaking
the law of gravity. All right, Spider,
I’m coming up to get you. I warn you,
this is your final chance. You better surrender. [woman screams] You… You peeping Tom! Oh, you want some more? Well, that’s police
biz for you. It’s got it ups and downs. Okay now,senorSpider, you better give it up, or I’m going to
let you have it. He is going to let me have it? [laughing manically] [sputtering] Hey, Inspector, I think
he’s got the DDTs! [Inspector]Soon after that,
the steel doors of prison
closed upon Spider Pierre.Unfortunately, they closed
upon me also.That stupid Sergeant Deux Deux
had loaned me his
child’s play moneyand I was up on
a counterfeit rap.However, when I get out,
I decided to go straight…Straight to
Sergeant Deux Deux’s house
and clobber him.